


The Way We Love

by anotherfngrl



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Asexual Harold Finch, Asexuality Spectrum, Demisexuality, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherfngrl/pseuds/anotherfngrl
Summary: John has only loved two women in his life. He's never wanted anyone but them. And now they're both dead.Or: Harold helps John deal with his grief over Joss and shows him there's nothing wrong with the way he loves.
Relationships: Harold Finch & John Reese, Joss Carter/John Reese
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9
Collections: Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2020





	The Way We Love

**Author's Note:**

> I went a little crazy on the aspec comment!fic prompts.....

"I'm truly sorry for your loss, John."  
  
He hadn't heard Finch come in. How did he get so distracted? He hides the picture of Joss he took from the pile they've taken off the POI board. "You should probably replace me, Harold," he says stiffly.  
  
"Because you couldn't save the woman you loved?" Harold asks, startled. "We cannot save them all, John. No matter how hard we try."  
  
"Because she was my... My humanity. I don't feel like other people do. She was all that kept me from being like Shaw," he admits. "Shaw's great, but you don't need two of us."  
  
"I don't believe that at all," Harold tells him, putting a gentle hand on John's shoulder.  
  
Somehow, it loosens his tongue. "I'm defective. Not the cold machine Shaw is, with no feelings, but not _normal._ I don't feel like other people do. Joss was only the second woman I've ever loved, or been personally intimate with," he declares, making it a challenge.  
  
"As opposed to professionally intimate?" Harold realizes what that means. John is a spy, after all. Former spy. Something. He smiles tightly, confirming Harold's suspicion. "Well, nevermind that. Your lack of sexual attraction is not a flaw, John."  
  
"She made me _human,"_ he shudders with it.  
  
"Your humanity and your sexuality are also not connected, John. I had wondered... I suppose you are like me," Harold says.  
  
"I'm nothing like you, Finch. Didn't you hear me? At least you have Grace." His voice shakes.  
  
"Who believes I am dead. Who is the only woman who I have ever been... Personally intimate with, myself. I am demisexual, John. And I think you are, too," Harold explains.  
  
"Is that what's up with Shaw? Are we some kind of collection you've been working on?" John accuses.  
  
"Shaw is _very_ sexual." Harold shudders, obviously remembering something he wishes he could unsee. "She's aromantic, which is different. Ask her to tell you about it sometime. Her way works well for her, but it wouldn't for either of us. And right now, John, we are talking about _you."_  
  
"It's like there's a faulty switch. Normal people, the switch flips and they're _attracted._ My switch hardly ever flips and when it does, it's always long after I met them. What other switches in my brain don't work right, Finch?" John asks.  
  
"My 'attraction' switch works the same way. Do you believe me to be... defective?" Harold asks, looking at him with open concern and care.  
  
"No. It's just... If I can't love.... How do we know I can really feel compassion?" John wonders aloud, admitting a secret fear he's held on to for years. The lack of personal connections made him perfect for his work- but he'd still been too close to normal, in the No Man's Land between feeling and machine, to really be a perfect weapon.  
  
"You are capable of love. You are grieving lost love right now. And there are loves besides romantic. You love Bear. You love this country. Just because we don't feel sexual attraction often does not mean we are incapable of love," Finch tells him, sounding almost desperate to be believed.  
  
"Oh, really, Finch? What do you love? Besides machines? Besides knowledge? Other than Grace, who do _you_ love?" John demands.  
  
"I love you like a brother, John," Finch tells him, quiet and true, and John turns fully towards him, letting himself sag against the other man as he finally cries.  
  
"She's gone, Finch," he says, clutching the other man's jacket.  
  
"I know, John. I loved her, too. Not like you did, but as a friend. I miss her, too," Finch confesses.  
  
"This is why you hide from Grace," John realizes. "This loss... It hurts too much."  
  
"I can love her and keep her safe, all at once. But it's not a perfect system, John. One day, it will fail. She'll find out, or one of my enemies will. One day, I'll lose the sliver of her I've held on to," Harold admits.  
  
"If this is what love does.... I think I'm glad I'm, what did you call it?" John asks, pulling away to stand on his own.  
  
"Demisexual. But I fear this is more a product of the work we do, not the way we love. Those closest to us will always be in danger," Finch admits.  
  
"Then it's good we're here to protect them," John says, resolute. "You're right. There are other things I love. Other people." He looks down at Finch. "Brother."


End file.
